“It happens every year and you don’t know when”

My favourite professor in university, a child psychologist, talked about the importance of rituals for children. It is so important as we define ourselves inside of our families. It helps us form our identities.

If we are intentional as parents, we may think that there are rituals, or you could say family traditions that we want to do with our own family. Perhaps we did these things as children and we have warm memories, perhaps we picked up ideas from our peers or perhaps we wished our family of origin had done these things.

When we had international daughters living in our family for the school year, it was fun to hear what my daughter Ilse had said as an introduction to the “new girls”. 

I don’t know what I expected her to say when she was telling them “all the things”, but this surprised me, made me smile and reminded me that it is indeed not always what you planned, but what you do: “And then in December, one day, and you won’t know what day it will be, you will come home from school and this [dining] table is COVERED in cookies! So many cookies! It happens every year and you don’t know when. It’s the greatest day!”

Today, although I don’t have Ilse or a house full of international daughters, I made a table that would surprise the rest of the family. And yes, I do really like to make happy surprises for the ones I love.

So I sit here, next to the tree, listening to carols, with candles on, dog at my feet, cookies covering the table, having enjoyed some Earl Grey with a sampling of the cookies and writing to you. All are recipes that the family has such special memories of. Knowing that rituals like this, memories -are both remembered from the past, but also forming in the present.

And since I like to live my life mindfully in the present moment, I realize traditions can be cosy, comforting, fun (and this case delicious) today. Sometimes they get us through some of the difficult times which is when they take on a different role. When you are traveling on uncertain ground (the first Christmas after a big loss or unhappy change), it is lovely to do something that is familiar, known, doable, within one’s control. “Normal”. Sometimes it’s a day like today- an ordinary, everyday, happy, cosy day….a good day to surprise them!

So thanks Dr. Carey Denholm for the advice that has carried me, and my family this far… and perhaps has inspired others along the way… we are indeed a family that likes to make happy surprises – and cookies!