They see everything we do in the times when others are around and in the times we think we are alone.
They might have memories that reset every 30 seconds but their experience in life weaves into the fabric of what they know to be true.
What they know to be true of us.
What they can expect of us.
When you live with this type of emotionally intelligent dog, you can form a rhythm in your daily life together- the invisible pattern you make together on the hardwood floor of your movement were it to be recorded by infrared light. You could see the patterns in time and space.
And that would be true for our patterns in the garden where Lilly and I spend so much time together.
Years ago, I fell in love with a golden retriever who was the family dog to a woman who was raising 4 children and battling breast cancer. When she lost that fight, my sweet friend offered to look after the dog because 4 children needed to be looked after ahead of the family dog.
My friend had always had golden retrievers – she raised two wonderful daughters. She is a few years ahead of me, so I got to learn what was coming. I learned so much from how she raised her family, be the glue to a community and live with dogs (oh yes there was a cat in there too).
So when Ilse, with her sister’s help, made a formal presentation with a typewritten handout about the merits of getting a dog. I knew the kind of dog I wanted.
I learned so much from living with Daisy. She is the one on the back cover of my book, she accompanied me in my book launch presentation which is on my website, she was with me at every stage of caregiving for my parents. As she got older, I realized that I couldn’t imagine life without a dog.
When Daisy was about 11, Lilly came along. As this exuberant puppy would constantly want to play, I remember the looks I got from my best friend that I interpreted as a betrayal of sorts— we had a good thing going and now this…
On the advice of my friend, who said the older one can teach the younger one how it all works. Daisy did do a wonderful job.
And then one day it was Lilly alone who was The Family Dog. With all the responsibility that entails.
Her birthday is December 20th and she just celebrated 9 years.
We learned some very sad news over the holiday.
When we took our Christmas pictures that I shared with you in my previous post, she really didn’t seem her playful self.
One day she couldn’t bare weight on her back right leg. Given the surgeries and all the chasing of cats, racoons or squirrels in the garden, it could be attributed to that. But this time she hadn’t chased anyone…I made an appointment at the vet.
By the time last Friday rolled around, she was not eating, we carried her up the stairs after outside visits and she just wasn’t feeling well. I know that there are lumps on her back that have been tested and are fine.
But when a golden retriever looses interest in food. Something’s up.
After some tests and ultrasound scans, we have learned that Lilly has bone cancer.
She has started on some medication which has been wonderful in the last few days- bringing her back into the world of interest in food…and moments of playfulness. It controls her pain and inflammation.
Lilly is currently on a palliative care program. We don’t know how long we will have together. We will keep her comfortable for as long as we can.
Just like she told me when she was very sick, by not leaving my side and getting “into my bubble”….asking for me to do something to help. I know she will tell me when it’s time.
There is no succession plan.
But in time I know there will be.
Not to replace Lilly. No one’s unique essence is replaceable.
But there will be an opening for a golden retriever who is empathetic; a learner; who can support the flower garden and the artist by her presence; to help those around her see and hear things that might be missed, but in their present moment can possibly reflect beauty- right here in the everyday.
Simple presence.
Simply by being who she is.
A dog.
So that the artist can remain mindful in the present moment.
And perhaps someone who equally has an interest in sticks (but for different reasons), walks on the beach and kind people.
I feel terrible about sharing bad news to start the season. But I think that you are like me and when you follow someone, or attend workshops here or follow from a great distance on my Instagram account, you get connected to the dog who is central to the story, to the life lived. I know I have that with people whose accounts I have followed for years.
Please know that she is carried for, comfortable and, as always, loved.
I will let you know when there is a change.
🐶