Cox Bay + Ilse Mae, a recent visit

On Saturday we walked down the long and beautiful path to Cox Bay, Tofino in British Columbia.

It’s been four years since I walked on this beach for the first time. (I have visited in the intervening years).

As I walked on this beach on this day, I felt nothing in my body- no tension, no emotion. Complete lightness and calm. I have grown to live with the longing that I feel to have her in my arms again.

As a result of doing all the work, I can take in and be present for all the beauty that is on this beach. All the joy of the people this day, right here in this very special and most beautiful place.

As I walked along and listened to the waves, watching the surfers, I felt deeply present and very grateful to be here.

The beauty of it all helps to ground one in the present moment.

And,

And it is a tragedy that she cannot surf here with her family and her friends, in this place she felt deeply connected to- for its genuine community. For its realness. For its kindness. And its sense of play.

Tragedies don’t have light endings. They are clear and true. There is no ‘nice little thing to say’ to soften the edge for the discomfort of the reader. They are abrupt and sharp and painful.

The calm comes from accepting the truth of it. At face value.

Acceptance is the only ticket forward.

Acceptance for what was, what is.. acceptance for the knowing of sadness.

I spell her middle name this way because it’s how she wanted it spelled ( and how I did too).

If you are new here- you might be wondering. Her name is Ilse May Loomer-Scott and you can read more about her on her Forever Missed page by clicking here

When you have a daughter who was as amazing as Ilse in every way, it becomes clear that the immense love you have for her is the constant. It never ends. There is comfort in that. Ease even.

However this works- Ilse I will always love you- of that we can be sure 💙